Reminder of the 2nd Teleseminar tomorrow night, Thursday, May 27th, 2010 at 8pm. 712-432-0075 Access Code 484482#.
I want to welcome Dr. Rev. Sheldon Nix, PH.D.
Dr. Sheldon Nix is a native of Wilmington, Delaware. He earned a B.A. from Princeton University, a Masters of Social Work from Hunter College School of Social Work in New York City, and earned the Ph.D. in Counseling Psychology from Michigan State University. He has also received over 10 years of training in life coaching and small business coaching/management from Coach University, the Graduate School of Coaching (now CoachVille) and the E-Myth Mastery small business coaching program.Dr. Nix is Senior Pastor of Life Worth Living Fellowship (www.lwlf.org) in Wilmington, Delaware. Previously, Dr. Nix for 15 years was a (tenured) Associate Professor of counseling at Eastern University in St. Davids, PA, and chaired the Department of Counseling and served as a college therapist. As a coach and consultant, Dr. Nix has consulted with various kinds and sizes of organizations around the country on strategic planning, program/service design, business development, and staff development/human asset maximization. Dr. Nix is the Founder and President of Project Manhood (www.projectmanhood.org), a program that coaches men in developing an extraordinary life and also helps them reach boys. Dr. Nix is also the author of two published books, Let the Journey Begin: A comprehensive curriculum for leading African American boys down the road to manhood, AND Becoming Effective Fathers and Mentors: A guide to prepare men for the task of mentoring and fathering African American boys. He is married to Jacqueline Greenidge Nix, M.B.A., and has three fabulous daughters: Naomi, Kalyn, and Katrina.
Please call in tomorrow 712-432-0075 Access Code 484482# as he is truly a wealth of info he is just waiting to share on How to RENEW your Marriage and Relationship. Don't want to miss this folks!
Talk to you Then.....
Sarah L.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
How to Cope Without Mom on Mother's Day
I was interviewed on the topic How to Have a Happy Mother's Day without Your Mother. Although Mother's Day will be Celebrated on 5/9/2010, there will be many mothers and others enduring this day without their own mom. It can be difficult seeing others celebrating their moms, while you go into a grieving, depressed state, which is quite natural and normal, because you are sad that your mom isn't around for you to celebrate. I want to help you on how to still endure and have a good mother's day. May this bless you....
What advice do you typically give folks who are grieving the loss of a mother?
•First, I explain the signs and symptoms of depression due to a loss. Depression can occur when one is overwhelmed by grief of the loss , affecting one’s way of normal functioning. Grief is different than depression in that grief refers to one’s emotions, thoughts, and behavior when someone had loss their love one. Depression affects mood and can continue to occur particularly around certain times of the year, one being Mother’s day if they had loss their mother. Therefore, I usually inform my clients to pay attention to how they are feeling and reacting to notice the frequency and severity of their reactions. If they are constantly feeling about the loss of their mom, withdraw from love ones and their usual routine, consistent feeling of sadness, anger, hopelessness or helplessness, or worse, such as suicidal thoughts or thoughts of dying, then I encourage them to continue counseling, possibly med management coupled with psychotherapy until the person has a better handle on their feelings and on the loss.
•Now if one’s responses are not as serious as previously mentioned, I first normalize the process of their feelings. It is normal to be sad, angry, happy, have mixed mood and feelings as you trying to cope with Mother’s Day without Mom. I then have my clients acknowledge and embrace their thoughts and feelings to continue normalizing their feelings of loss. Feelings can range and fluctuate, and it is perfectly normal, so people need to know that despite the number of years it has been since their mother’s passing. The memories and the feelings associated with the departed love one can all come flooding back especially around holidays like Mother’s Day, their Mom’s Birthday, the individual’s own birthday, so initially it is to ensure that the person knows it is normal and okay to embrace one’s mixed feelings over their mother’s passing.
Overall...
•Accept that it is normal to feel sad or depressed during your time of lost, especially during holidays.
•You may not experience any feelings of sadness, or you can have mixed feelings. Again, it is still normal.
•Monitor your feelings, thoughts, and mood during Mother’s Day.
•Attend to your own needs and allow time to process grief or sadness.
•Limit your drinking and eating, excessive drinking and eating can contribute to depression and associated guilt.
•Get together with others and share memories of Mom’s favorite story, song, poem and make it tradition.
•Spend time around the ones who care about you.
•Visiting a nursing home, or other ‘mothers’ in your family during Mother’s Day
•Join or start a support group
•Volunteer your time and services being active for a cause
•Writing a letter to your departed helps to express any words and thoughts you believed you didn’t have a chance to express
•Praying also helps.
•It is not just one thing, but it could be a combo of all of these or other ways that mentioned here in how to Cope with the Loss of Mother during Mother’s Day.
What tips can you give people who get sad or depressed during Mother's Day because their mom is no longer with them?
• Similar to a blog I had written in December called Dealing with the Holiday Blues, I would reiterate that it is normal to feel sad and depressed during Mother’s Day because one is lamenting over their mother not being around.
•I also would reiterate to embrace their feelings and acknowledge their emotions during Mother’s Day. The feelings are valid and real, yet be patient with yourself during the process, no matter how many years it’s been since your Mom’s passing.
•I suggest that one seeks out other loved ones on that day, finding relatives and friends who understands and empathizes with your feelings of loss.
•Accept that you have to continue to live. It takes strength and courage to live and adjust yourself after a loss. So determine that you are going to keep it moving and make you and your mom proud.
•Next, Attend to yourself for the moment. Take time to reflect and even if you need a moment of silence to yourself during Mother’s day, it is okay, so long as you don’t remain isolated and withdrawn from others throughout the day.
•Maintain your health. Make sure you don’t become dependent on excessive drinking and medication or even doing illicit drugs as ways to cope. That decision can make things worse.
•Seek professional help. I always tell my clients how impressed and commendable it is for them to seek and actually go to counseling, because it is a sign of strength, not weakness. So if one can’t cope alone, that’s what Counselors like myself are here for!
•Lastly, help others through their depressed state if you can. When we put our energies towards something constructive and it can benefit others, it is a good feeling booster. Forming support groups to share your sorrow, experience, and ways for you and others to appropriately cope during Mother’s Day is such a great thing by all accounts, in that you move towards healing and restoration, while helpings other become healed and restored.
Would you say it's better to act as if Mother's Day is simply any other day? Or should a person take time out to honor their mother? Please explain.
Actually, whatever works best for an individual, as long as it is appropriate and doesn’t affect theirs or others well being, is perfectly fine. Everyone reacts and copes differently, the one who goes on as Mother’s Day being another day may work well for that individual. For others, they may need to pay respects to their Mother every Mother’s day. That is okay, too. The goals are to know how to cope and to return to a state of well being and normal functioning. Those who have not suffered the loss of their mom need to be patient and sensitive with those affected by the loss of theirs during Mother’s Day. Remember, everyone processes, copes, and reacts differently, and when one is ready to embrace and acknowledge their feelings, and can move on appropriately, we should be there supporting and encouraging their progress.
What are ways people can honor their deceased mother during Mother's Day?
Create new traditions for a new type of remembrance, such as the family coming over every mother’s day and share a story, poem, song, recipe, etc. of Mom’s.
Create a memorial in your mother’s name, whether a vigil, online memorial, etc.
Create a foundation in Mom’s name on behalf of a cause, like Mary Smith Foundation for Breast Cancer Research, or participate in an established one, such as Race for a Cure, Memory Walk.
Keeping Mom’s traditions alive, such as saying good morning and good evening to every person you pass.
Visiting your mother’s gravesite and planting fresh flowers there.
Again, this is not an exhaustive list. Those reading can take these suggestions and add their own and circulate these with others!
Can you shed some light on how coping with the loss of a mother may be different for people with children of their own vs. those who are childless.
The following coping strategies are universal: normalization appropriate feelings, behaviors, and actions, acceptance, and acknowledgement of feelings, and patience with themselves during Mother’s Day. Utilizing professional counseling is also another universal way to cope. Specifically, other coping strategies may be different between the childless and those with children.
•Those who are childless due to loss of their own child are likely more depressed as they grieve double losses. The person doesn’t have their mom to lean on over the loss of their child, and the person doesn’t have their child to look to as comfort over the loss of their mom. Ways of coping for this particular individual, besides the universal ways to cope, are doing memorials, foundations, joining support groups, seeking spiritual guidance and comfort, being around love ones, having time to process their feelings and thoughts, and allowing time and patience to grieve are starters. Again, seeking Professional help for grief counseling is also ideal.
•For those who are childless because they never had children may already feel shame or guilt of not having children, adding more guilt and shame for their inability to relate or identify with their departed Mom as a parent. Moreover, these individuals may wish they had a child that they can pour their love into and pass down traditions and legacies Mom passed to them. So for these individuals, ways of coping besides the universal ways, are accepting and acknowledging their current state of being without children and to embrace that it doesn’t make them any less of a person than those who do have children, and knowing that they have the ability to change their current state such as through adoption or foster care.
•Those who have children may cope with their mother’s loss by pouring their energy and time into their children, finding comfort in passing Mom’s legacy and traditions, and appreciating probable glimpses of their mother’s characteristics and features in their children.
Additional Comments:
Understanding, embracing, acknowledging, and accepting your responses, emotions, and thoughts during your loss is the best first steps in coping and maintaining on Mother’s Day and everyday. It does take time and patience, so be patient with yourself, give yourself time, and appreciate the good times spent with Mom. She may not be physically with you, but her memory and legacy lives on, In and Through You!
What advice do you typically give folks who are grieving the loss of a mother?
•First, I explain the signs and symptoms of depression due to a loss. Depression can occur when one is overwhelmed by grief of the loss , affecting one’s way of normal functioning. Grief is different than depression in that grief refers to one’s emotions, thoughts, and behavior when someone had loss their love one. Depression affects mood and can continue to occur particularly around certain times of the year, one being Mother’s day if they had loss their mother. Therefore, I usually inform my clients to pay attention to how they are feeling and reacting to notice the frequency and severity of their reactions. If they are constantly feeling about the loss of their mom, withdraw from love ones and their usual routine, consistent feeling of sadness, anger, hopelessness or helplessness, or worse, such as suicidal thoughts or thoughts of dying, then I encourage them to continue counseling, possibly med management coupled with psychotherapy until the person has a better handle on their feelings and on the loss.
•Now if one’s responses are not as serious as previously mentioned, I first normalize the process of their feelings. It is normal to be sad, angry, happy, have mixed mood and feelings as you trying to cope with Mother’s Day without Mom. I then have my clients acknowledge and embrace their thoughts and feelings to continue normalizing their feelings of loss. Feelings can range and fluctuate, and it is perfectly normal, so people need to know that despite the number of years it has been since their mother’s passing. The memories and the feelings associated with the departed love one can all come flooding back especially around holidays like Mother’s Day, their Mom’s Birthday, the individual’s own birthday, so initially it is to ensure that the person knows it is normal and okay to embrace one’s mixed feelings over their mother’s passing.
Overall...
•Accept that it is normal to feel sad or depressed during your time of lost, especially during holidays.
•You may not experience any feelings of sadness, or you can have mixed feelings. Again, it is still normal.
•Monitor your feelings, thoughts, and mood during Mother’s Day.
•Attend to your own needs and allow time to process grief or sadness.
•Limit your drinking and eating, excessive drinking and eating can contribute to depression and associated guilt.
•Get together with others and share memories of Mom’s favorite story, song, poem and make it tradition.
•Spend time around the ones who care about you.
•Visiting a nursing home, or other ‘mothers’ in your family during Mother’s Day
•Join or start a support group
•Volunteer your time and services being active for a cause
•Writing a letter to your departed helps to express any words and thoughts you believed you didn’t have a chance to express
•Praying also helps.
•It is not just one thing, but it could be a combo of all of these or other ways that mentioned here in how to Cope with the Loss of Mother during Mother’s Day.
What tips can you give people who get sad or depressed during Mother's Day because their mom is no longer with them?
• Similar to a blog I had written in December called Dealing with the Holiday Blues, I would reiterate that it is normal to feel sad and depressed during Mother’s Day because one is lamenting over their mother not being around.
•I also would reiterate to embrace their feelings and acknowledge their emotions during Mother’s Day. The feelings are valid and real, yet be patient with yourself during the process, no matter how many years it’s been since your Mom’s passing.
•I suggest that one seeks out other loved ones on that day, finding relatives and friends who understands and empathizes with your feelings of loss.
•Accept that you have to continue to live. It takes strength and courage to live and adjust yourself after a loss. So determine that you are going to keep it moving and make you and your mom proud.
•Next, Attend to yourself for the moment. Take time to reflect and even if you need a moment of silence to yourself during Mother’s day, it is okay, so long as you don’t remain isolated and withdrawn from others throughout the day.
•Maintain your health. Make sure you don’t become dependent on excessive drinking and medication or even doing illicit drugs as ways to cope. That decision can make things worse.
•Seek professional help. I always tell my clients how impressed and commendable it is for them to seek and actually go to counseling, because it is a sign of strength, not weakness. So if one can’t cope alone, that’s what Counselors like myself are here for!
•Lastly, help others through their depressed state if you can. When we put our energies towards something constructive and it can benefit others, it is a good feeling booster. Forming support groups to share your sorrow, experience, and ways for you and others to appropriately cope during Mother’s Day is such a great thing by all accounts, in that you move towards healing and restoration, while helpings other become healed and restored.
Would you say it's better to act as if Mother's Day is simply any other day? Or should a person take time out to honor their mother? Please explain.
Actually, whatever works best for an individual, as long as it is appropriate and doesn’t affect theirs or others well being, is perfectly fine. Everyone reacts and copes differently, the one who goes on as Mother’s Day being another day may work well for that individual. For others, they may need to pay respects to their Mother every Mother’s day. That is okay, too. The goals are to know how to cope and to return to a state of well being and normal functioning. Those who have not suffered the loss of their mom need to be patient and sensitive with those affected by the loss of theirs during Mother’s Day. Remember, everyone processes, copes, and reacts differently, and when one is ready to embrace and acknowledge their feelings, and can move on appropriately, we should be there supporting and encouraging their progress.
What are ways people can honor their deceased mother during Mother's Day?
Create new traditions for a new type of remembrance, such as the family coming over every mother’s day and share a story, poem, song, recipe, etc. of Mom’s.
Create a memorial in your mother’s name, whether a vigil, online memorial, etc.
Create a foundation in Mom’s name on behalf of a cause, like Mary Smith Foundation for Breast Cancer Research, or participate in an established one, such as Race for a Cure, Memory Walk.
Keeping Mom’s traditions alive, such as saying good morning and good evening to every person you pass.
Visiting your mother’s gravesite and planting fresh flowers there.
Again, this is not an exhaustive list. Those reading can take these suggestions and add their own and circulate these with others!
Can you shed some light on how coping with the loss of a mother may be different for people with children of their own vs. those who are childless.
The following coping strategies are universal: normalization appropriate feelings, behaviors, and actions, acceptance, and acknowledgement of feelings, and patience with themselves during Mother’s Day. Utilizing professional counseling is also another universal way to cope. Specifically, other coping strategies may be different between the childless and those with children.
•Those who are childless due to loss of their own child are likely more depressed as they grieve double losses. The person doesn’t have their mom to lean on over the loss of their child, and the person doesn’t have their child to look to as comfort over the loss of their mom. Ways of coping for this particular individual, besides the universal ways to cope, are doing memorials, foundations, joining support groups, seeking spiritual guidance and comfort, being around love ones, having time to process their feelings and thoughts, and allowing time and patience to grieve are starters. Again, seeking Professional help for grief counseling is also ideal.
•For those who are childless because they never had children may already feel shame or guilt of not having children, adding more guilt and shame for their inability to relate or identify with their departed Mom as a parent. Moreover, these individuals may wish they had a child that they can pour their love into and pass down traditions and legacies Mom passed to them. So for these individuals, ways of coping besides the universal ways, are accepting and acknowledging their current state of being without children and to embrace that it doesn’t make them any less of a person than those who do have children, and knowing that they have the ability to change their current state such as through adoption or foster care.
•Those who have children may cope with their mother’s loss by pouring their energy and time into their children, finding comfort in passing Mom’s legacy and traditions, and appreciating probable glimpses of their mother’s characteristics and features in their children.
Additional Comments:
Understanding, embracing, acknowledging, and accepting your responses, emotions, and thoughts during your loss is the best first steps in coping and maintaining on Mother’s Day and everyday. It does take time and patience, so be patient with yourself, give yourself time, and appreciate the good times spent with Mom. She may not be physically with you, but her memory and legacy lives on, In and Through You!
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)