Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
5 Ways to Do Your Goals S.M.A.R.T. for 2011
Are You Ready for 2011? You made it through the Holidays, Congrats!
Now what are you doing New Years? You have time to reflect on 2010,
the good, the bad, the ugly, and what you do and do not want to come
into your 2011 year. Many of us do what is called New Years
Resolutions, a pledge or vow of goals for a better You. However, many
of us fail to carry the resolution out because it's like we crash and
burn in one month. in January, gyms are packed, and specials flood
the media for Dieters and Quitters of Smoking. Then February, you
back to the same habit! It doesn't have to be this way. So, I want to
help you plan how to do your New Years Resolutions S.M.A.R.T.!
S.M.A.R.T. like R.E.S.E.T. is an acronym for Specific, Measurable,
Attainable, Realistic, and Time-Conscious. (Note: The letters mean
different depending on who's teaching; some would say it stands for
Specific, Measurable, Achieveable, Relevant, and Timely, but it is
all in the same ballpark.)
Before starting any goal, you want to have a plan, or what I tell my
clients a Course of Action. Having a course of action sets the
foundation or blueprint to what you are going after. When doing any
goal, make sure it answers the following: Who, What, When, Where,
Why, How. So we have a structured start. Let's begin building
S.M.A.R.T.
S.-Specific means to be concise and exact on what it is you are
trying to accomplish. Let's use the example: I want to lose weight.
You have the goal in mind, but the goal is vague and general. Making
it specific would sound like this: I want to lose 10 inches from my
waist. See the difference? You specified Who's doing it, and What's
you're doing. We will now go to the M.
M.-Measurable means to have the ability to track, assess, calculate
your course of action. Having mini goals towards your main goal, or
objectives, helps to measure your progress. Back to our example: I
want to lose 10 inches off my waist by 1. eating small portions 3xs a
day 7 days a week. 2. going to the gym for 1/2 hour 5 times a week.
3. doing a daily log at least 2x a day for the next 90 days to track
progress. So now you have the Who's doing it, What you're doing,
Where it's being done, How it's being done. Now going to the A....
A.-Attainable means setting goals that are achievable. Make goals
that will be easy to attain. I will lose 10 inches from my waist. I
will lose 1-2 inches in 90 days. As oppose to saying I will lose 10
inches in 10 days! You want goals that will be attainable, not
drastic and possibly costly to your health. Who's doing it, What
you're doing, When it's being done are addressed. Let's move to R.
R.-Realistic means make your goals Realistic! Make them attainable
and relevant to you. Do not base your goals on someone else. Someone
else maybe able to lose 10 inches from waist in 10 days because of
their metabolism, etc.and you may have to go about losing inches a
different way. It is entirely okay! Do what makes sense for you and
that it doesn't affect your overall way of life and wellbeing.
Therefore, I want to lose 10 inches from my waist by losing 1-2
inches a month by changing my diet and the way i diet. first week I
will eat smaller portion at least once in the week. 2nd week, I will
eat smaller portions, at least 2xs/week, 3rd week, I will eat 3
smaller portions, etc. by end of month I will eat smaller portions at
least 5xs a week. See the difference? You are breaking it down
instead of quitting cold turkey! Don't shock your body by making
drastic moves from what it is used to. Make realistic moves! Who's
Doing it, What you're doing, When you're doing, how you're doing are
covered, let's go to the last letter, T.
T.-Time-Conscious means complete your goals in a timely manner. Two
things you do not want to do, set unrealistic time components, and
set time so far out that you are not challenged or accountable to
accomplish them. For instance, you set a goal stating you will quit
smoking in one week, when you have smoked for 25 years (unrealistic
time component) or you will stop eating chocolate by January 2020
(exaggeration, but still you are no where near challenge to begin
quitting the 'chocolate habit'). Set the time that is challenging and
holds you accountable. I will lose 10 inches off my waist starting
January 1st, 2011 and end by 9/1/2011.
So put the entire goal together and it comes out like this:
I want to lose 10 inches from my waist by 9/1/2011. I will accomplish
this by losing 1-2 inches a month for the next 9 months. I will do
this by 1. eating smaller portions 2. going to the gym 5xs a week. a.
in one month i will increase smaller portions weekly up to 2 of 3
meals daily. I will track my progress weekly. I will check my status
every 3 months up to 9/1/11. This covers the Who's doing it, What
You're doing, When you are doing it, Where you are doing it, How you
are doing it, and the Why, is to be healthier, and improved!
Note: if you do not meet your goal, back to example: i will lose 1-2
inches in the first 3 months, assess Why and What. Why did you not
lose the inches and What in your plan didn't work. DO NOT Give Up OR
Quit! Simply Readjust your Course of Action and Resume. Again, it is
about simplifying the way you do things and contouring the goals to
fit you! So remember, Do Not Give Up or Quit, simply Readjust or
R.E.S.E.T. your objectives and goals to finally accomplish your New
Year's Resolutions for 2011 and beyond for a New Year New You!
Check out www.reset-mylife.net - http://www.reset-mylife.net for more tips, AND
Married Couples, RESET My Marriage Too Valentine Getaway February
11th-13th 2011! Tickets 30% off and chance to win a free One
Day/Night Stay at the Beautiful Christiana Hilton Hotel in Newark,
DE! go to www.reset-mylife.net - http://www.reset-mylife.net to register NOW!
Now what are you doing New Years? You have time to reflect on 2010,
the good, the bad, the ugly, and what you do and do not want to come
into your 2011 year. Many of us do what is called New Years
Resolutions, a pledge or vow of goals for a better You. However, many
of us fail to carry the resolution out because it's like we crash and
burn in one month. in January, gyms are packed, and specials flood
the media for Dieters and Quitters of Smoking. Then February, you
back to the same habit! It doesn't have to be this way. So, I want to
help you plan how to do your New Years Resolutions S.M.A.R.T.!
S.M.A.R.T. like R.E.S.E.T. is an acronym for Specific, Measurable,
Attainable, Realistic, and Time-Conscious. (Note: The letters mean
different depending on who's teaching; some would say it stands for
Specific, Measurable, Achieveable, Relevant, and Timely, but it is
all in the same ballpark.)
Before starting any goal, you want to have a plan, or what I tell my
clients a Course of Action. Having a course of action sets the
foundation or blueprint to what you are going after. When doing any
goal, make sure it answers the following: Who, What, When, Where,
Why, How. So we have a structured start. Let's begin building
S.M.A.R.T.
S.-Specific means to be concise and exact on what it is you are
trying to accomplish. Let's use the example: I want to lose weight.
You have the goal in mind, but the goal is vague and general. Making
it specific would sound like this: I want to lose 10 inches from my
waist. See the difference? You specified Who's doing it, and What's
you're doing. We will now go to the M.
M.-Measurable means to have the ability to track, assess, calculate
your course of action. Having mini goals towards your main goal, or
objectives, helps to measure your progress. Back to our example: I
want to lose 10 inches off my waist by 1. eating small portions 3xs a
day 7 days a week. 2. going to the gym for 1/2 hour 5 times a week.
3. doing a daily log at least 2x a day for the next 90 days to track
progress. So now you have the Who's doing it, What you're doing,
Where it's being done, How it's being done. Now going to the A....
A.-Attainable means setting goals that are achievable. Make goals
that will be easy to attain. I will lose 10 inches from my waist. I
will lose 1-2 inches in 90 days. As oppose to saying I will lose 10
inches in 10 days! You want goals that will be attainable, not
drastic and possibly costly to your health. Who's doing it, What
you're doing, When it's being done are addressed. Let's move to R.
R.-Realistic means make your goals Realistic! Make them attainable
and relevant to you. Do not base your goals on someone else. Someone
else maybe able to lose 10 inches from waist in 10 days because of
their metabolism, etc.and you may have to go about losing inches a
different way. It is entirely okay! Do what makes sense for you and
that it doesn't affect your overall way of life and wellbeing.
Therefore, I want to lose 10 inches from my waist by losing 1-2
inches a month by changing my diet and the way i diet. first week I
will eat smaller portion at least once in the week. 2nd week, I will
eat smaller portions, at least 2xs/week, 3rd week, I will eat 3
smaller portions, etc. by end of month I will eat smaller portions at
least 5xs a week. See the difference? You are breaking it down
instead of quitting cold turkey! Don't shock your body by making
drastic moves from what it is used to. Make realistic moves! Who's
Doing it, What you're doing, When you're doing, how you're doing are
covered, let's go to the last letter, T.
T.-Time-Conscious means complete your goals in a timely manner. Two
things you do not want to do, set unrealistic time components, and
set time so far out that you are not challenged or accountable to
accomplish them. For instance, you set a goal stating you will quit
smoking in one week, when you have smoked for 25 years (unrealistic
time component) or you will stop eating chocolate by January 2020
(exaggeration, but still you are no where near challenge to begin
quitting the 'chocolate habit'). Set the time that is challenging and
holds you accountable. I will lose 10 inches off my waist starting
January 1st, 2011 and end by 9/1/2011.
So put the entire goal together and it comes out like this:
I want to lose 10 inches from my waist by 9/1/2011. I will accomplish
this by losing 1-2 inches a month for the next 9 months. I will do
this by 1. eating smaller portions 2. going to the gym 5xs a week. a.
in one month i will increase smaller portions weekly up to 2 of 3
meals daily. I will track my progress weekly. I will check my status
every 3 months up to 9/1/11. This covers the Who's doing it, What
You're doing, When you are doing it, Where you are doing it, How you
are doing it, and the Why, is to be healthier, and improved!
Note: if you do not meet your goal, back to example: i will lose 1-2
inches in the first 3 months, assess Why and What. Why did you not
lose the inches and What in your plan didn't work. DO NOT Give Up OR
Quit! Simply Readjust your Course of Action and Resume. Again, it is
about simplifying the way you do things and contouring the goals to
fit you! So remember, Do Not Give Up or Quit, simply Readjust or
R.E.S.E.T. your objectives and goals to finally accomplish your New
Year's Resolutions for 2011 and beyond for a New Year New You!
Check out www.reset-mylife.net - http://www.reset-mylife.net for more tips, AND
Married Couples, RESET My Marriage Too Valentine Getaway February
11th-13th 2011! Tickets 30% off and chance to win a free One
Day/Night Stay at the Beautiful Christiana Hilton Hotel in Newark,
DE! go to www.reset-mylife.net - http://www.reset-mylife.net to register NOW!
Monday, December 27, 2010
Friday, December 17, 2010
Couple Holiness-By Kier Berkel, LPCMH
In addition to my private practice, I also work with adolescents who don’t always make the best choices in their everyday lives. Often, as I discuss my frustrations about today’s youth with colleagues (as if I was the perfect adolescent) I wonder if we can correlate adolescents’ behaviors to the level of spirituality present in their families. On the macro level, we all realize that adolescents will make “bad” decisions, no matter how spiritual or “religious” their parents are, but the question presented itself to me on how important is spirituality to enhancing and sustaining a relationship?
The purpose of this blog is not to preach to you on the importance of being spiritual (holy, religious, or whatever they’re calling it now) or to give a broad definition of what spirituality is. Instead, I would like to discuss spirituality between couples, or what some have called “couple holiness”. There are various behaviors that exemplify this phenomenon, but before I discuss some examples, imagine if spirituality in relationships could be “the only gospel that others will ever read?” Deep, right? Let’s think outside the box, shall we? Is couple holiness only limited to going to church, volunteering, or proselytizing other individuals? Or can we also see couple holiness as togetherness, faithfulness, and commitment and respect towards each other? In short how can a couple reflect love is an often non-spiritual world?
William Roberts, of the University of Dayton has said that the simple (but often neglected) act of sitting down and eating meals are one of many ways of fostering spirituality within a marriage or family. In my own relationship, doing a home repair together, for me is a spiritual experience. The act of using both of our talents and strengths to improve our home is often enlightening and transcends our own individuality. Other examples of “couple holiness” can be but not limited to:
• Making love (not just sex, but heavy petting too!!!!)
• Going shopping together
• Walking in nature
• Reading and discussing a book together.
• Tickling one another
• Sitting quietly with one another
• Checking your children’s homework
• Going to PTA meetings together
• Praising children and each other
• Cooking a meal together
I hope that we who are in a relationship with the “love of their life” would not only limit themselves to a spirituality based on how often they went to church or prayed (not that there is anything wrong with that!!), but to how they reflect their love to our world.
Respectfully,
Kier A. Berkel, LPCMH
The purpose of this blog is not to preach to you on the importance of being spiritual (holy, religious, or whatever they’re calling it now) or to give a broad definition of what spirituality is. Instead, I would like to discuss spirituality between couples, or what some have called “couple holiness”. There are various behaviors that exemplify this phenomenon, but before I discuss some examples, imagine if spirituality in relationships could be “the only gospel that others will ever read?” Deep, right? Let’s think outside the box, shall we? Is couple holiness only limited to going to church, volunteering, or proselytizing other individuals? Or can we also see couple holiness as togetherness, faithfulness, and commitment and respect towards each other? In short how can a couple reflect love is an often non-spiritual world?
William Roberts, of the University of Dayton has said that the simple (but often neglected) act of sitting down and eating meals are one of many ways of fostering spirituality within a marriage or family. In my own relationship, doing a home repair together, for me is a spiritual experience. The act of using both of our talents and strengths to improve our home is often enlightening and transcends our own individuality. Other examples of “couple holiness” can be but not limited to:
• Making love (not just sex, but heavy petting too!!!!)
• Going shopping together
• Walking in nature
• Reading and discussing a book together.
• Tickling one another
• Sitting quietly with one another
• Checking your children’s homework
• Going to PTA meetings together
• Praising children and each other
• Cooking a meal together
I hope that we who are in a relationship with the “love of their life” would not only limit themselves to a spirituality based on how often they went to church or prayed (not that there is anything wrong with that!!), but to how they reflect their love to our world.
Respectfully,
Kier A. Berkel, LPCMH
Featuring Kier Berkel, LPCMH-How to Get Married The Right Way
I am featuring my colleague and friend Kier Berkel, LPCMH, NCC. He is an African American Licensed Psychotherapist with specialties in Mood Disorders, Marriage and Family Counseling, and Marital Therapy. He is happily married to his wife of 14 years and the couple has one daughter. He is our feature speaker for our RESET My Marriage Too Valentine Weekend Getaway 2011. Here is what Kier has to say:
As a licensed psychotherapist, and being happily married for 14 years, I encounter a lot of married couples who find themselves in dire situations regarding their relationships. “I never knew they were like this….” Or, “he/she changed”, or, “I never noticed this (fill in the blank) before.” After I go through the so called “preliminaries” of asking structured/standardized questions about every intimate, personal, aspect of their relationship, I then ask the million dollar question. Have you ever had some type of pre-marital counseling before you got married? Unfortunately, I am no longer surprised when the answer is no. Let me first begin by saying that I have been married for over 14 years, but I can honestly say that if I had pre-marital counseling before I got married; I would not be married today. Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife dearly, but I had no idea what I was getting myself into; and at times as our relationship continues to develop, I still have no idea.
In regards to relationships, being married or thinking about getting married; some type of therapeutic intervention is highly recommended. Either you are going to receive therapy to enhance the relationship, thus lowering the chances of divorce or receive therapy to save the relationship. If you are considering marriage, I would choose the latter. Since I started my practice in 2008, I have only had one instance in which I treated a couple who was considering marriage. I can count how many couples I had treated who were trying to save their marriage. Now of course there are excuses on why a couple can not engage in pre-marital therapy. “We don’t have time!” I heard a couple say, or “This is my soul mate”, or “I’ve never felt like this with anyone before!” and believe me there are countless other excuses. One thing we may want to consider is that when we meet a person for the first time, he/she is not the “real person.” The real person reveals him/her self maybe after the first two years. Pre-marital therapy will enable (if both participants are open and honest, and the therapist is good) each other to “discover” the real person.
Issues that may come up are concerns that everyone should want to know about their possible mate, like:
• How do you communicate
• Have you ever had a criminal record
• How do you display anger
• Do you have emotional problems
• What health problems run in your family
• How do you handle conflict
• What type of family did you come from
• Do I have trust or insecurity issues
• Are you jealous
• What do you like/dislike about me
• What type of personality do you display
• What are your life goals or aspirations
• What are your views on parenting
• How do you handle money
• Are gifts important
• How do you show affection
These are just some examples of issues that are important to most couples, but conveniently do not come up, during the “infatuation stage” of most relationships. In closing, choosing to become involved in a long term meaningful relationship is a rewarding endeavor, but if time is not considered to prepare for this life changing event, it could develop into a huge detriment!
Kier A. Berkel, LPCMH
As a licensed psychotherapist, and being happily married for 14 years, I encounter a lot of married couples who find themselves in dire situations regarding their relationships. “I never knew they were like this….” Or, “he/she changed”, or, “I never noticed this (fill in the blank) before.” After I go through the so called “preliminaries” of asking structured/standardized questions about every intimate, personal, aspect of their relationship, I then ask the million dollar question. Have you ever had some type of pre-marital counseling before you got married? Unfortunately, I am no longer surprised when the answer is no. Let me first begin by saying that I have been married for over 14 years, but I can honestly say that if I had pre-marital counseling before I got married; I would not be married today. Don’t get me wrong, I love my wife dearly, but I had no idea what I was getting myself into; and at times as our relationship continues to develop, I still have no idea.
In regards to relationships, being married or thinking about getting married; some type of therapeutic intervention is highly recommended. Either you are going to receive therapy to enhance the relationship, thus lowering the chances of divorce or receive therapy to save the relationship. If you are considering marriage, I would choose the latter. Since I started my practice in 2008, I have only had one instance in which I treated a couple who was considering marriage. I can count how many couples I had treated who were trying to save their marriage. Now of course there are excuses on why a couple can not engage in pre-marital therapy. “We don’t have time!” I heard a couple say, or “This is my soul mate”, or “I’ve never felt like this with anyone before!” and believe me there are countless other excuses. One thing we may want to consider is that when we meet a person for the first time, he/she is not the “real person.” The real person reveals him/her self maybe after the first two years. Pre-marital therapy will enable (if both participants are open and honest, and the therapist is good) each other to “discover” the real person.
Issues that may come up are concerns that everyone should want to know about their possible mate, like:
• How do you communicate
• Have you ever had a criminal record
• How do you display anger
• Do you have emotional problems
• What health problems run in your family
• How do you handle conflict
• What type of family did you come from
• Do I have trust or insecurity issues
• Are you jealous
• What do you like/dislike about me
• What type of personality do you display
• What are your life goals or aspirations
• What are your views on parenting
• How do you handle money
• Are gifts important
• How do you show affection
These are just some examples of issues that are important to most couples, but conveniently do not come up, during the “infatuation stage” of most relationships. In closing, choosing to become involved in a long term meaningful relationship is a rewarding endeavor, but if time is not considered to prepare for this life changing event, it could develop into a huge detriment!
Kier A. Berkel, LPCMH
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Wednesday, June 30, 2010
Thank you from RESET, LLC
Hi!
Kier and I and the rest of the RESET Team would like to say thank you from our hearts for your attendance and participation! We applaud you for your presence at the event, as we were not able to do this without you!
Now, Kier and I want to update you on the following events:
We are moving forward with our RESET Couples Group Counseling. It is for 6-8 weeks starting Tuesday, July 6th, 2010, from 6pm-7:30pm in Newark, DE. We want to continue with the RESET My Marriage premise, to help married couples work on Reconciliation, Restoration, and Reconnection in your relationship with one another. The cost covers materials, space and light refreshments, all for $45 per couple. Curriculum will specify the actual topics, which are similar to the event: Conflict, Communication, Sex, Finances.
Group requirements:
Married for 20 years of more,
Commitment for change in various areas of your marriage
Commitment to the 6 to 8 weeks
Be on time
No insurance, only cash,check, credit card.
Only 4 couples per group, so please call right away at 443-822-2446. ACT FAST!
Kier and I are also doing free workshops throughout the summer from Mood Disorders, signs, symptoms, and solutions, and we are starting our First Radio Internet Show coming the beginning of July.
Get ready for Round 2-RESET My Marriage Retreat in October.....more info to follow
Please go to www.reset-mylife.net for info and start preparing for your spot at the Retreat.
Also, hot off the presses, if you liked the RESET Teleseminars-particularly the one with Kier and I you received at the Event, RESET MY MAN/RESET MY WOMAN, then you will enjoy the other 6-CD set! Includes:
Deb Lanio's RESET My Sex Life
Connie Newton and John Anderson's RESET My Finances
Dr. Sheldon Nix's RESET My Mind
Sarah Langley's RESET My Marriage and Relationships
Kier Berkel's RESET My Communication Skills
Darrell Freeman's RESET Myself To Stop the Conflict!
Prices start at only $6 per CD, $36 total, and if you attended the event you will receive the Entire Series for ONLY $25! You Cannot Beat That!
Please contact me at info@reset-mylife.net to get your set or copy today before they are all gone!
I look forward in hearing from you soon.......
Sincerely,
Sarah Langley,
RESET, LLC
www.reset-mylife.net
Kier and I and the rest of the RESET Team would like to say thank you from our hearts for your attendance and participation! We applaud you for your presence at the event, as we were not able to do this without you!
Now, Kier and I want to update you on the following events:
We are moving forward with our RESET Couples Group Counseling. It is for 6-8 weeks starting Tuesday, July 6th, 2010, from 6pm-7:30pm in Newark, DE. We want to continue with the RESET My Marriage premise, to help married couples work on Reconciliation, Restoration, and Reconnection in your relationship with one another. The cost covers materials, space and light refreshments, all for $45 per couple. Curriculum will specify the actual topics, which are similar to the event: Conflict, Communication, Sex, Finances.
Group requirements:
Married for 20 years of more,
Commitment for change in various areas of your marriage
Commitment to the 6 to 8 weeks
Be on time
No insurance, only cash,check, credit card.
Only 4 couples per group, so please call right away at 443-822-2446. ACT FAST!
Kier and I are also doing free workshops throughout the summer from Mood Disorders, signs, symptoms, and solutions, and we are starting our First Radio Internet Show coming the beginning of July.
Get ready for Round 2-RESET My Marriage Retreat in October.....more info to follow
Please go to www.reset-mylife.net for info and start preparing for your spot at the Retreat.
Also, hot off the presses, if you liked the RESET Teleseminars-particularly the one with Kier and I you received at the Event, RESET MY MAN/RESET MY WOMAN, then you will enjoy the other 6-CD set! Includes:
Deb Lanio's RESET My Sex Life
Connie Newton and John Anderson's RESET My Finances
Dr. Sheldon Nix's RESET My Mind
Sarah Langley's RESET My Marriage and Relationships
Kier Berkel's RESET My Communication Skills
Darrell Freeman's RESET Myself To Stop the Conflict!
Prices start at only $6 per CD, $36 total, and if you attended the event you will receive the Entire Series for ONLY $25! You Cannot Beat That!
Please contact me at info@reset-mylife.net to get your set or copy today before they are all gone!
I look forward in hearing from you soon.......
Sincerely,
Sarah Langley,
RESET, LLC
www.reset-mylife.net
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